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My mind is flipping from this time spike

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em001Day two in LA and my mind is flipping from this time spike gone wrong that can’t figure out where I am from and where I am going.  Last night we had our first rehearsal, I met Ho-Kwan (GayKeith), and Leslie talked us through a very casual yet focused walk through of the script.  Ideas were suggested, exchanged, entertained, and sometimes nurtured, sometimes tossed.  It was very, very strange for me and I felt a little like the coffee guy sitting in on someone else’s meeting and waiting for my chance to make the Starbucks run before coming back for a quick clean-up.

Hearing others talk and critique a segment of your reality is certainly a test of some kind. Writer Scott wants to scream, Actor Scott can’t remember what acting is and if there ever was an actual Actor Scott and Reality Scott wishes his head would shut-up, listen, and find a flow he could just sit back and enjoy.

It’s certainly a strange role for me as I am the real Scott playing the scripted Scott about a real experience that has been turned into a scripted experience.  Hearing other people comment and suggest on a real experience when in fact they are assisting in the molding of the scripted experience is a trippy situation on the simplest of days but my mind and my personality combined with my “quirks” (nice way of saying fucked up bi-polar mood swings) made this first meeting a little bit of a Scott mind fuck. And to tweak that reality even further, I’m talking about Actor Scott, Writer, Scott, and Reality Scott all sitting there at once, screaming at everything in their heads while trying to keep the outer demeanor of someone(s) who actually knows what he’s/they’re doing…I often wonder how many people would even breathe near me if they could hear what I hear every day…
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