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Gay Keith might actually be my first step towards success…pretty fucked up

yikesMood: Freaked!
Happy Gay New Year!  I have fallen sick which I am partially blaming on the flu season swarming its way around Toronto, and placing the rest of the blame on the red wine I peer-pressured myself into drinking the night before New Year’s while I schmoozed about Gay Keith at a cocktail party, quickly remembering I neither schmooze nor know how to schmooze, hence the need for wine, red or any other colour. 

Starting the New Year off in bed feeling like arse-breath has allowed me more time to think than is probably safe for a manic bi-polar creature like myself.  I’ve been thinking a lot of Nelson Mandela’s famous speech about fear of success.  Maybe I’m sick because my body’s revolting to the actually idea that I am going to be an actual actor in an actual story that I actually wrote and I may actually find out that I suck.  Twenty years of pursuing a dream filled with every justification for failing that I could think of that would never involve it being simply because I suck and finally its time to face reality…whatever that reality may end up being.  That’s not really anything like Nelson’s speech but should you choose to search his quote out someday you’ll understand my reference.  The five-cent version is we fear success more than failure…so maybe I’m sick because Gay Keith might actually be my first step towards success…pretty fucked up, eh?!  Now defining “success” is a whole other category of head spinning…

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