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I would love to be the one to help re-direct someone else’s pain and/or confusion

Mood: Pondering
Finally feeling better but emotionally spent after watching the two-part two-hour season finale of D. Who last night.  I only discovered the show a few years ago and these were the final episodes with David Tennant as The Doctor and man did I cry like a baby when it was over.  He was my first Doctor.  If you know anything about the series of series than you understand what your first Doctor means to you…Sci-fi geekness aside I have to say that what Mr. Tennant and the writers did for me (in a round about way) is exactly why I started playing this whole entertainment industry game a little under twenty years ago.  I certainly don’t want to be famous as I cherish anonymity far too much and in a day and age of celebrity need-to-be’s I just want to reiterate that being recognized in any way out in public is the last thing I have searched for along this journey.  I’m too much of a bastard way too often when outside of my cave to ever want someone to know who I am without learning it through police records…

But I do want to impact and/or inspire the way so many performers and artists have impacted and inspired me throughout my life.  Dr. Who may not be the greatest example of past inspirations but the point is that throughout this elongated journey, movies, television, and theatre have so often guided me, one way or another, through difficult times…and if just once, whether it be through laughter, anger, or just tangential thought, I would love to be the one to help re-direct someone else’s pain and/or confusion.  Getting paid to do would be nice as well cuz cereal ain’t cheap!

Gay Keith might actually be my first step towards success…pretty fucked up

Mood: Freaked!
Happy Gay New Year!  I have fallen sick which I am partially blaming on the flu season swarming its way around Toronto, and placing the rest of the blame on the red wine I peer-pressured myself into drinking the night before New Year’s while I schmoozed about Gay Keith at a cocktail party, quickly remembering I neither schmooze nor know how to schmooze, hence the need for wine, red or any other colour. 

Starting the New Year off in bed feeling like arse-breath has allowed me more time to think than is probably safe for a manic bi-polar creature like myself.  I’ve been thinking a lot of Nelson Mandela’s famous speech about fear of success.  Maybe I’m sick because my body’s revolting to the actually idea that I am going to be an actual actor in an actual story that I actually wrote and I may actually find out that I suck.  Twenty years of pursuing a dream filled with every justification for failing that I could think of that would never involve it being simply because I suck and finally its time to face reality…whatever that reality may end up being.  That’s not really anything like Nelson’s speech but should you choose to search his quote out someday you’ll understand my reference.  The five-cent version is we fear success more than failure…so maybe I’m sick because Gay Keith might actually be my first step towards success…pretty fucked up, eh?!  Now defining “success” is a whole other category of head spinning…

I have fallen sick which I am partially blaming on the flu season swarming its way around Toronto, and placing the rest of the blame on the red wine I peer-pressured myself into drinking the night before New Year’s while I schmoozed about GayKeith at a cocktail party, quickly remembering I neither schmooze nor know how to schmooze, hence the need for wine, red or any other colour.  Starting the New Year off in bed feeling like arse-breath has allowed me more time to think than is probably safe for a manic bi-polar creature like myself.  I’ve been thinking a lot of Nelson Mandela’s famous speech about fear of success.  Maybe I’m sick because my body’s revolting to the actual idea that I am going to be an actual actor in an actual story that I actually wrote and I may actually find out that I suck.  Twenty years of pursuing a dream filled with every justification for failing that I could think of that would never involve it being simply because I suck and finally its time to face reality…whatever that reality may end up being.  That’s not really anything like Nelson’s speech but should you choose to search his quote out someday you’ll understand my reference.  The five-cent version is we fear success more than failure…so maybe I’m sick because Gay Keith might actually be my first step towards success…pretty fucked up, eh?!  Now defining “success” is a whole other category of head spinning…